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Talk:Smells Like Teen Spirit/@comment-25108925-20140909021907
Okay, this is gonna be another one of my depressing posts, so I apologize in advance. Also, it might be a bit TMI because it has to do with my female bodily functions, so I also apologize about that too :x. I just need to vent, that's all. Back in about mid-May this year, I had a bit of a cervical/uterine cancer scare. I had to go to the hospital to take a few tests, some results came out abnormal, and others came out normal. The doctor then told me to just wait things out and see if my body would let it get back into it's cycle (it's never been regular though). Although I did get my menstrual period a month or so after the tests, things never really felt //normal// in my body and I began to experience sharp, shooting pains in my lower abdominal area. They would occur when I would stand up after sitting/laying down for a long time. So, a little early in the week last week, I decided that I needed to go in for some more tests just to make sure that nothing was seriously wrong. I was really relieved that my mom actually had the sympathy to go ahead and take me to the doctor, because I was just really scared to death, especially with the whole cancer scare. Well, I got the results back last night, and it turns out that I have Polycystic Ovary Syndrome. This basically means that I have an imbalance of hormones in my body; My ovaries produce too much testosterone due to my insulin resistance. This explains why my cycles are SO irregular. If I'm lucky, I'll get my period every three to four months. Some of the symptoms are an excess of unwanted hair (facial, etc), gaining weight and not being able to lose it reasonably, and depression. The big thing here is that this basically makes me infertile. I'll have pretty much NO chance of being able to carry a child, and that is what depresses me the most. I'm depressed about a lot of other things in my life, but this whole syndrome I have just makes me feel so much worse. I am unmotivated to do ANYTHING. Children are without a doubt the most precious beings to me, and it has always been my dream to give birth to a child. But now, that ability is taken away from me too. Now I have a high risk for obtaining Type 2 Diabetes, high blood pressure/cholesterol, heart disease, and again, uterine/cervical cancer. I feel like my life is just over with now. All of this has just dawned on me, and now I definitey don't feel like myself anymore. I can deal with the pain that I experience on the inside, but now knowing that I basically can't carry my own children? Nothing is going to make me feel the same anymore. I'm taking estrogen pills and in the future I may begin to take contraceptives, but I really don't even want to go through with the treatment for this..I don't think that there is any use. I'm supposed to go in for a consultation on either Wednesday or Thursday this week to see if I need surgery to try to reduce some of the cysts on my ovaries. My mom doesn't even know about any of this yet, just my dad, but I don't know if he quite understands how devastated I am over this. I'm afraid that when my mom gets back from her trip, she'll be upset at me and everything because of how much everything is going to cost in the long run. Who knows how much this surgery will cost? We barely have any money to maintain the house we're living in, and now there's just extra money put towards me that coud be used for something else. With this now, I just feel like a huge burden and stuff to my family, because now they have to take care of me too. I haven't told any of my friends yet (all two of them), and I'm just afraid that they'll think I'm some diseased person that they can't touch or talk to like normal again. Nothing feels normal, they haven't for a long time, but this is just the worst thing to ever happen to me. I feel so alone and useless and helpless. I don't know what to do.